Jasper and Emmett's Mission Annoy Edward
by Freaky Virgo
Summary: What would YOU do if your prankster brothers had just shown you a fully edited, presentable, proffesionally made movie all about you? Take a look inside Jasper's head when he and Emmett do just that to Edward - how will they ALL react... PLEASE R&R :-D
1. Pranked

_Disclaimer: I do not assume any form of ownership over the characters or movie script borrowed for this story._

Jasper's P.O.V. Emmett & Jasper's 'Mission Annoy Edward'  
Emmett burst threw the front door, a massive grin on his face. He had something stuffed up the front of his shirt and was hunched over in an effort to disguise the thin rectangle that strained against the material.  
I darted to his side. "You've got it, then?"  
The tightly wound anticipation emitting from him was answer enough. "Hell yes! Let's do this."  
He grinned wickedly and I smirked back. This was going to be the funniest one yet.  
"Give it to me." The flat case quickly exchanged hands. "He's in his room." Emmett's face looked about to split in half he was smiling so wide.  
"Don't give us away!" I hissed as quietly as I could. I aimed a blanket of reassurance in his general direction; he rolled his eyes. He was still partially bent over as he barrelled up the stairs, enjoying the cloak-and-dagger atmosphere. As was I.  
There was no way of knowing whether Edward had heard our whispered conversation. I sincerely hoped not. I prayed that he was too caught up in listening to the music that was blaring from his speakers upstairs, that he hadn't been aware of what might have been going through Emmett's head a few moments ago: I had warned him to control his thoughts, to not think about our plan directly - _I_ had remembered, hopefully so had he.  
I sprang lightly over the back of the sofa to get at the television and the DVD player. I paused to look at the cover art of the box - and burst out laughing. I checked myself quickly, throwing a hand over my mouth. This was going to be absolutely hilarious!  
I waited impatiently for the machines to power up, and hurriedly placed the movie disk into the compartment. I noticed with a grin that Emmett had picked up the 'two disk special edition' version, and muffled my chuckles when I tried not to think of the hours of fun ahead of us.  
Emmett had turned off Edward's stereo, and was standing in his room. I listened to what he was saying, and was amused by the growing bubble of irritation surrounding the place where Edward was sitting.  
Naturally, he wasn't in the best mood, due to Bella's absence, and his annoyance made for a more interesting conversation than usual.  
"Emmett, what do you want _now_?"  
"You don't know?"  
An impatient sigh. "No, because for some reason that will probably result in myself being either humiliated or embarrassed, Jasper and yourself are going to great lengths to hide your thoughts from me."  
Something that was as close to a giggle as Emmett was ever going to get burst from his lips. I propelled a wave of calm up into his side of the room.  
"What things you accuse us of. Someday you'll hurt our feelings, so much that we'll just _have_ to do something horrible to you."  
Another sigh. "Well, let's get this over with."  
A loud guffaw. "That's the spirit, my brother."  
I hit the 'route menu' button when the sound of reluctant footsteps reached the landing.  
The ongoing clip at the start menu nearly had me doubled up laughing again, but I gritted my teeth and forced a straight face.  
"A movie?" Edward's voice held slightly more interest now, and I could feel wary curiosity burning through the exasperation.  
I turned around and nodded seriously. Emmett was standing behind Edward at the foot of the stairs, and had his fist stuffed in his mouth to stop himself laughing; I shot him a warning look and enveloped him in a cloud of serenity. Once he appeared more composed, I turned back to Edward.  
"Yes. Emmett and I saw it advertised, and we thought it looked just the sort of thing you would enjoy. Don't get the wrong impression, though. It might not seem very mature, but it's a great movie."  
He raised an eyebrow, but settled himself in one of the armchairs surrounding the screen. Emmett followed his lead.  
I scooted backwards until I was leaning on the arm of a chair across from the one where Edward was sitting, so I could watch his expressions.  
The opening scene didn't reveal much, just several deer in a forest - posing as the same one - running towards and away from the camera at various angles, with a female voiceover in the background, and snapshots of human figures among the trees. It closed with a digitally done shot of a man catching the deer as it jumped over a log. I had a fairly good idea of what that was meant to represent, and so did Emmett by the way he was bouncing up and down in his seat, but I didn't think of it; Edward was glancing at us both suspiciously, his mood apprehensive.  
I worried vaguely that his attention would be turned from the movie, so I hastily washed them both with a splash of tranquillity.  
Edward was beginning to relax, his eyes glued to the screen.

_A pale faced teenage girl with dark hair standing alone on a scrubby desert plain, holding a cactus and a trowel. Her expression is thoughtful while she looks absently at the small spiky plant. What is assumed as her voice sounds in the background.  
_"_I can't bring myself to regret my decision to leave home. I would miss Phoenix, -_

Edward immediately sat up straighter in his chair. Phoenix was Bella's former home. I defied the muscles of my face as they fought to arrange themselves into a grin.

"_- I would miss the heat. I would miss my loving, erratic, hair-brained mother." The girl is still holding the cactus, being embraced by her mother, outside a comfortably sized home, on an otherwise unpopulated street. A man is loading a car with bags, which is parked on the drive.  
_"_And her new husband."  
__He signals to the two women, "I love you both, but we've got a plane to catch!"_

Nothing much happened for another few scenes, so I sneaked a glance at Emmett. The calmness appeared to be working more effectively than before. He was still grinning like an idiot, but no more than that.  
Edward, on the other hand, was in need of a stronger dose, it seemed.

_The rapidly changing landscape gives way to snow covered mountains and vast pine forests. The name of the movie, _Twilight_, fades in, then out._

My hands clenched together in anticipation. It couldn't be long now…

_The voice over returns.  
_"_In the state of Washington, under a near constant cover of clouds and rain, there is a little town named Forks. Population, three thousand, one hundred and twenty people. This is where I'm moving."  
__A windscreen shot of the same girl sat in the passenger seat of a car. A older man with a moustache is driving.  
_"_My dad's Charlie. He's the chief of Police."_

My eyes were glued to Edward's face, as were Emmett's. Edward's jaw was slack, he was all-out gawking at the screen in disbelief. He had unconsciously leaned forward, his hands gripping the cushions in a way that might prove dangerous for them.  
"What _is_ this?" he spluttered.  
"Shhh!" Emmett's voice was choked up with laughter. "It gets better."  
Clamping my teeth over my bottom lip to keep from smiling, I continued to watch the movie.

_The police cruiser the girl's father is driving pulls up outside a whitewashed house, with a muddy drive and wet forest in the background. She gets out of the car, the little cactus still in her hands, and looks up at the house.  
_"_I used to spend two weeks here nearly every summer, but it's been years."  
__They enter the house and walk straight upstairs, exchanging mumbled conversation.  
__After a brief few words, the father leaves the girl alone in her room. She stands for a moment.  
_"_One of the best things about Charlie: he doesn't hover."  
__The sound of voices leads the girl to the window.  
__Outside are two men of American Indian origin; one roughly sixteen, with long dark hair, the other older and sat in a wheelchair. They are stood with Charlie, next to an old rusted red Chevy. Charlie hails the girl as she joins them.  
_"_Hey Bella, you remember Billy Black?"_

Edward sprang to his feet, glaring daggers at both of us. Anger bubbled and spat at me from where he was standing, an uncomfortable pressure in the back of my head. But that did nothing to help the almost hysterical laughs that were coughing out of my chest. Emmett actually fell off his chair he was laughing so hard, his amusement overpowering even Edward's simmering fury_.  
_"_What_ the _hell_ is _this_?" he spat. The sight of his scowling face made me laugh even more.  
"Sit… down, Edward… and… watch the… damn… movie!" I gasped, rolling onto my side so that I couldn't see his face. I made an effort to compose myself, taking several deep breaths. Emmett, beyond help, staggered from the room, his booming laughs echoing off the walls.  
"I swear to God, Jasper, if this isn't just another one of your stupid pranks, I'll... I'll..." Edward fumed, struggling to find a harsh enough threat.  
I laughed even harder. If he only knew!  
When I was in control enough to concentrate again, I sent a soothing mist of peace towards the quivering Edward, still standing stiff with rage.  
After half a second, he fell back into his chair, unwillingly accepting the calm for the moment.  
I sighed, happy in the knowledge that this would only get better.

_Almost the end of the current scene. The younger boy, 'Jacob', and 'Bella' are sat in the cab of the truck. They are talking together.  
_"_Hey - d'you wanna ride to school with me?"  
_"_Oh, I go to school on the reservation."  
_"_That's too bad. It would have been nice to know one person."  
__The end of the scene. _

I waited impatiently for the next good bit that would guarantee a reaction from the silent Edward. I let the swirl of composure surrounding him ease off slightly, trying not to think about it.  
Then Emmett re-entered the room, having recovered sufficiently. I gave him a high five as he passed.  
Finally, 'Mike Newton' and 'Jessica Stanley' became part of the story line. I allowed Edward to feel the anger that I knew would come, watching this imitation of his former human enemy, trying to impress the impersonation of Bella, after she hit him on the head with a volley ball.  
But I wasn't expecting the relief that coursed through him once she had turned away, unimpressed sarcasm obvious in the actress's face.  
He was really getting into this. I pursed my lips, trying not to smile.  
The resentment returned for the next scene.

'_Bella' walks into the shot with 'Mike', to join 'Jessica' and 'Eric Yorkie' at a table in the school cafeteria. 'Mike' offers her a chair.  
_"_Dorito, my friend?" 'Mike' goes to hand 'Eric' something wrapped in foil.  
_"_Hey, Mikey, you met my home girl Bella?"  
_"_Oh, y-_your_ home girl?"  
_"My_ girl!" A boy with dark skin and short hair plants a kiss on 'Bella's cheek, before pulling 'Mike's chair from under him. 'Mike' chases the boy out of the cafeteria.  
__After a small conversation involving 'Bella', 'Eric' and 'Jessica', 'Angela Weber' is introduced into the scene.  
_'_Bella' recommends to 'Angela' that she could do an article on eating disorders and "Speedo padding on the swim team" for the school newspaper.  
__She looks over her shoulder, then turns back to the girls.  
_"_Who are _they_?"  
__The girls look for themselves and answer in subdued voices.  
_"_The Cullens."_

A frenzied explosion of humour barked from Emmett's throat. I clamped my hands over my mouth, in case something similar happened to me, and stared at Edward, tightening the belt of poise around him: Edward often broke things when he was angry, and I had a feeling that no one would be very happy if we needed to wait for another TV to be shipped over from Japan before we could watch the news again. His outraged confusion battled against me for a split second, but he soon succumbed.  
My attention strayed back to the screen.

_"They're the Doctor and Mrs Cullen's foster kids, they moved down here from Alaska, like, a few years ago."  
"They kind of keep to themselves."  
"Yeah, 'cus there all together, like _together_ together. Dr. Cullen's like this doctor slash match maker." 'Jessica' gossips.  
"He could adopt me." 'Angela' says, twining her fingers together and looking wistfully across the table.__  
A blond woman wearing skinny jeans and a tight fitting jacket weaves between the tables, holding hands with a larger man with black hair and pale skin, and walks past 'Bella' and her friends.  
_"_See the_ _blond girl? That's Rosalie, she's with Emmett, the big guy with dark hair." 'Jess' tells 'Bella'._

"Hah!" Emmett snorted. "Rose would have a fit if she saw this - she'd sue for sure."

"_They're like a _thing_. I'm not even sure that's legal."  
_"_Jess, they're not _actually_ related."  
_"_Yeah, but they live together, it's weird! Right, okay. See the little dark haired girl? That's Alice, she's _really_ weird."_

All the amusement drained from my face. What did they know about Alice? Nothing. For an instant I forgot my objection to Edward breaking the television, and considered doing it myself.  
But at that moment, I noticed a change in Edward's mood.  
He was _smiling_. Looking away, trying to hide it, but smiling all the same. I fought back a hiss.

"_And she's with Jasper, the blond one who looks like he's in pain."_

Emmett laughed and reached down to punch me on the shoulder. Edward chuckled reluctantly, shooting a humoured glance at me.

'_Bella' looks over her shoulder again.  
_"_Who's he?"  
__A tall, pale boy with carefully styled hair pushes open the cafeteria door and saunters into the room.  
_"_That's _Edward _Cullen. Totally gorgeous, obviously, but apparently nobody here's good enough for him."_

"Hmmm." Edward had his eyes narrowed and was glowering at the screen.  
Emmett hooted with laughter. "Huh, nobody apart from Bella Swan!"  
"That guy _is_ pretty gorgeous, though." I pretended to nod seriously.  
"Yeah!" Emmett agreed. "Him over you any day." he told Edward, before directing at me, "In fact, we'd better not show this movie to Bella, she'd probably agree with us, and decide she wants to ditch Edward and have that guy instead!"  
"Hmph." Edward's eyes were trained on the TV, but I could tell by the arising swell of irritation that he was listening.  
"Don't you think he's gorgeous then, Edward?" Emmett asked innocently.  
"Surprisingly, _no_." his answer was almost a growl.  
"You have some serious self-esteem issues…" I muttered, shaking my head.  
Emmett chuckled. "Ha, good one."  
And suddenly, Edward's feelings changed so dramatically, so quickly that it caught me off guard.  
A glimmer of pain intertwined with shame and regret danced across the surface of the frustrated outer shell he was encased in.  
Had we said something to really offend him? Or was it something from the movie?  
My eyes went from his face to the screen and back ten times in a second.  
His jaw was taught, his posture tense, and one hand cupped his face to hide his eyes which were fixed on the screen.  
I stared at the moving pictures, trying to decipher what could have inspired the hurt.

'_Bella' is sitting at a desk in a biology lab, next to 'Edward'.  
__Her expression is daunted, almost fearful as she sneaks glances at the boy sat beside her.  
__He is leaning away from her, but his torso is pointing in her direction, and he is obviously glaring at her. Anger is prominent on his face as he glowers, and the more he stares, the more confusion and hurt leaks into the expression of 'Bella'.  
__Close-ups of his face emphasize the inexplicable fury. His jet black eyes are slits and his brows are pulled together; an image of hostility._

And then it clicked.  
The first day Bella and Edward had met. What it had done to him. How it must make him feel now to relive that day, with such a vivid reminder. To see the fear on this fake Bella's face…

_The bell rings, and 'Edward' stands up and quickly walks out of the shot, a look of disgust on his face._


	2. Bella

Note: Very much still in progress, nowhere near finished, but the title of the chapter might give you a hint at what's to come!

* * *

"You didn't… make this… did you." It wasn't a question. Edward's voice was choked, but he tried to hide it, taking deep steadying breaths.  
"Nope. But I wish we had! Imagine how hilarious this would have been to make!" Emmett clearly hadn't noticed the change of atmosphere in the room.  
"Emmett. Be quiet." I warned.  
He shot a questioning look at me, so I glared pointedly in Edward's direction, then back to him. He followed my gaze, the confusion on his face slowly melting into an even more puzzled understanding.  
I found the remote, and paused the DVD. I turned back to Edward.  
"No, we didn't."  
Edward nodded his head sharply once. His eyes were glazed, staring at nothing in particular.  
"Alright. Please continue." he said stiffly. He gestured with his hand toward the television.  
I cast a bucketful of comfort out into the room, before resuming the movie.

_'Bella' pushes open the door to what can only be the reception area of the school. 'Edward Cullen' is there, leaning over the desk, talking in a hushed voice to an elderly woman receptionist.  
"...Physics, bio-chem, there must be something open."  
"I'm sorry dear, you'll just have to stay in Biology."  
'Edward' stiffens, and glances over his shoulder, spotting 'Bella' hovering in the doorway. He glowers at her for a moment, before turning back to the lady behind the desk.  
"I guess I'll just have to endure it."  
He marches from the room._

I watched Edward from the corner of my eye. He seemed fine. The calm had taken effect, and he was sat quite comfortably watching the movie.  
The next scene took me by surprise. It was a shot of the outside of a restaurant, or some kind of diner, with a log cabin feel about it.  
The camera took us inside the building to where Bella and her father were sitting at a small table tucked into a corner of the room. The waitress served them their food: Bella had a garden burger.  
I cocked an eyebrow at Edward, who was feeling equally confused.  
"This is new." he said.  
"Yeah, since when has Bella been vegetarian?" Emmett joked.  
"I don't know about you, but I think there are a few things that she has been keeping from us..." I muttered, regarding the screen shrewdly.  
"Are you saying that you think Bella had something to do with the production of this movie?" Edward asked disbelievingly.  
I shrugged. "Who else would know so much about the details of your relationship?" Edward stared at me, his mouth slightly open, trying to decide whether I was serious. "If that _is_ the case,-" I turned around to wink at Emmett. "-then I am very anxious to see the rest!" I rubbed my hands together eagerly, earning a dark glare from Edward.  
"Who directed this, anyway?" he queried, eyeing the case laying on the floor beside me.  
"A woman," I flipped it over to scan the back for a name. "Catherine Hardwick. Is she American?"  
"I've never heard of her." he said with a frown. I could guess what he was thinking, _Did Bella know of her?  
_"Me, neither."  
"Can you two just shut up?!" Emmett snapped impatiently, squinting at the screen in exasperation.

_"I can't believe how grown up you are - and so gorgeous." says the kindly waitress, smiling fondly at 'Bella'.  
An older man joins the waitress to stand at the table. "Hey Bella, do you remember me? I played Santa... one year."  
'Bella' looks to her father with a doubtful expression.  
'Charlie steps in. "Whalen, she hasn't had a Christams here since she was _four_."  
"But I bet I made an impression, though, didn't I?" he presses.  
"You always do." Charlie assures him expressionlessly.  
"Kids love those little bottles, though!"  
The waitress lays her hands on his chest and rolls her eyes at 'Bella' and her father. "Whalen, let the girl eat her garden burger." She smiles and looks back down at 'Bella'. "And when you're done, I'll bring you your favourite - Berry Cobbler - remember? Your Dad still has it." She casts a disparaging look at 'Charlie'. "_Every_ Thursday."  
"Great, thank you." 'Bella' nods; the waitress smiles and leaves them alone to their meal._

Emmett exhaled sharply. "When are we finally going to get to the good bit? Jasper, just fast forward it."  
"No!" Edward barked before I could answer. He looked down, embarrassed by our shocked eyes on him. "I mean, we can't do that. If we do, then we won't understand the story, will we?"  
Emmett snorted, "What do you need to understand about the story? It's _about_ you!"  
"But the story is clearly different, you can see that already. I'd just like to see how it turns out. It's caught my interest."  
I snickered, and his eyes flashed to my face then back to stare beseechingly at Emmett.  
"Right, whatever." Emmett said around a smile.  
Edward was _really_ enjoying this. His amusement wasn't something I'd expected, only the anger and the outrage I'd anticipated. I didn't bother to check my thoughts as I took in his apt expression and the vital concentration emanating from him as he watched the screen with the eyes of a hawk.


End file.
